Getting Close

Early on, I was told I only had to change one thing to overcome alcoholism—and that was everything! I admitted I was powerless, and when I did, God removed the terrible obsession for alcohol that had kept me drunk for many years. I was free! But in order to stay that way, I had to keep growing.

My next step was to make a connection with God, and that had its own challenges. You see, although I’d always believed in God, I felt like He didn’t believe in me. I’d made too many promises I could never keep; and, in worse moments, I’d addressed Him with less-than-respectful words. But desperate to stay sober, I approached Him with a newfound humility and as much hope as I could muster, telling Him I would throw away all my ideas about Him, and begging Him to show me who He really was.

That was a great turning point in my life, and it enabled me, with my best friend as my witness, to turn my will and my life over to His care. In that special moment I felt a peace I’d never felt before, and with it came the courage to look at my life as I never had. Later, I admitted my character flaws to God and to another human being, learned the hard way that I couldn’t change any of my defects of character, and became willing to surrender everything to Him. Only then was I finally willing to humbly ask Him to change me into the man He always wanted me to be—and as it turns out, surrender really is the key to sobriety! 

As God began removing those defects, I became painfully aware of the many people I had harmed, and suddenly I had a strong desire to make things right with them. With the guidance of those who had successfully walked this path, I made a long list of those I’d hurt through my selfish behavior and set out to make my amends. 

Although humbling, that process was immensely rewarding, and I longed to keep that feeling of being right with God and with everyone around me. So I began to take my inventory every day and promptly admit when I was wrong. That resulted in so much peace that I wanted a closer walk with Him—so I began trying prayer and meditation to increase my conscious contact with Him. I learned to abandon my selfish prayers, asking instead for knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out. 

God placed many people in my life to teach me the things I might have learned as a child—had I been paying attention! Someone suggested I pray on my knees as an act of contrition and humility; and although I tried, I’d often forget. Then someone else suggested putting my shoes under the bed, and that perhaps it might jog my memory the next day when I got on my knees to retrieve them! 

A young woman said she’d trained herself to think, Good morning, Lord. What can I do for you today? as she woke up; and today, that’s my first thought, too! I began praying throughout my day. In fact, I’ve been praying for Him to help me as I write this. 

I pray for those I meet—the man at the gas station, the girl at Walmart, and old friends just cross my mind. If I can’t sleep, I ask God to bring to mind the faces of those He wants me to pray for. It works. Every time. 

When it came to meditation, I was a bit more skeptical. Most people were doing things like focusing on their breathing and clearing their mind of all thoughts. But I knew that this was the goal of Eastern meditation, where the goal is to empty one’s mind in an attempt to connect with “essential nature.” 

In stark contrast, Christian mediation has the goal of filling one’s mind with Scripture and connect with God, and so I decided to search God’s Word for references to meditation—and I didn’t have far to look. As early as Genesis 24:63, Isaac is going into the fields in the evening to meditate, and later on, in Joshua 1:8, he is instructed by God to meditate in the Book of the Law “day and night.” But the bulk of biblical references about meditation are found in the Psalms. David says, “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly… but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night.” Psalm 1:1–2. Then he writes, “Teach me Your way, O Lord,” and God responds with, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.” Psalm 27:11, 32:8. 

Many scholars believe that the meaning of this verse is that God says He will watch and keep an eye on us after He instructs us. This is backed up by Psalm 33:18, when David writes, “Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His mercy, to deliver their soul from death, and to keep them alive in famine.” What a wonderful Father! That verse brought back memories of learning to ride a bicycle and shouting, “Daddy! Watch me!” To which he always answered, “I am, son!”

Today, my meditation usually centers around a Bible verse, a Bible story, or a principle found in it. I read or listen to the Bible first thing in the morning, before the cares of the world crowd in. Then I’ll take those words and place them in the middle of the room, so to speak. Walking all around them, I note how they look from every angle. What did humility look like in Jesus? What does it look like when I try it on, myself? And how can I have more of it? Philippians 4:8 also has a long list of things to meditate on, and at the end of the day, I realize that they were exactly what I needed for that day! 

My concept of God has changed over the years—and it keeps changing as I learn more about Him, like an artist filling in color, shading, and detail. Many times I’ve actually heard Him laughing, too! (Yes, I believe God really does laugh! After all, we were created in His image—so if we can laugh, so can He!)

My goal is to get so close to Him that I’ll be able to look into His eyes and know what direction to go. He saved me from certain death, for which I am so grateful to Him. And a grateful heart will never drink.