Just because I’m sober doesn’t mean that life will always be smooth sailing, and perhaps one way to check up on the quality of my sobriety is to notice how I react when life throws me a curveball.
It was a beautiful autumn day, the sun was shining, the sky was a bright blue, and the leaves had just started to show a hint of red and yellow along the road. It had been a good day, and I smiled as I realized that I’d gotten a lot done. But as I shifted in my seat, I felt something uncomfortable in my chest.
Subconsciously moving the seatbelt aside to relieve the tightness, I realized the feeling didn’t go away. That’s odd, I thought as I rubbed my chest. And suddenly, a five-year-old memory flooded my mind. Hmm. This feels like it did the day I had my heart attack.
For a moment, I considered the idea. Chest pain? I rubbed my chest and realized it was sore. It’s probably just stress, I rationalized. But it wasn’t going away. My mind raced back probably 10 years to when I had complained about the same soreness to my doctor. After listening to me, he poked me in the chest. “Does that hurt?” he asked.
“Ouch! Yes, it does!” I said, as I looked at him, puzzled.
“That’s not heart pain. That’s superficial muscle pain. You’re probably stressed out about something, and you need to figure it out and learn to relax.”
I remembered feeling relieved at the time, but now, as I pressed on my chest muscles, I wasn’t so sure. It hurt. Sort of. But not badly.
As my mind went over the facts, I remembered the little vial of nitroglycerin tablets dangling from my keychain. I’d never had to use them before, but maybe I should take one.
I placed a tiny pill under my tongue and waited. It burned a bit, so I knew it was still potent (they do expire rather quickly and must be replaced every three months or so).
Nothing. The tightness was still there. And the soreness, too.
I waited five minutes then placed a second pill in my mouth. Within seconds, I could feel my pulse pounding in my temples. But the discomfort didn’t go away.
This could be good news, or bad news, I thought, remembering that I had no pain when I suffered my heart attack five years earlier. I had just felt a funny tightness in my chest, so I’d delayed going to the Emergency Department all day.
There’s no harm in getting it checked out, I thought.
By then, I was home, and glancing around my living room, I realized that there were some things out of place. I’ll straighten this out and then go, I thought. And that’s what I did. Suddenly my phone rang. It was a friend in recovery. We talked about his day, but I didn’t mention a word of what I was going through.
When the living room was picked up, I went into the kitchen. Oh no, I thought. If I end up in the hospital and someone has to come into my apartment, I can’t let them see any dirty dishes in my sink! So I washed dishes and kept talking to my friend.
Going into my bedroom, I realized that I had put some sheets in the dryer before leaving for work, and now they needed to go back on the bed. I better do that, too, I thought. Then I realized I might have to stay in the hospital for observation, and that meant I’d want fresh clothes when I left. So I packed a bag, and toiletries.
I might need to work from the hospital, was my next thought. So I packed my laptop, and made sure I had chargers for my phone and my computer. Looking around my room, I realized it still needed a little picking up, so I stayed busy, thinking, This is really foolish. You really should be at the Emergency Department right now.
After picking up everything in the house, I walked out the door to my car, thinking, You really need to be prepared for things like this. Don’t be like the folks in the days of Noah who had plenty of time to get ready for the flood—or the foolish virgins mentioned in the Bible who didn’t prepare properly for the wedding and were desperately scrambling around at the last minute.
As I opened the car door, I finally told my friend I was heading to the hospital. And when he heard how long I’d been feeling the chest tightness, he asked, “Then why didn’t you go there first instead of talking to me and cleaning your house? Do you realize this could be very serious?”
Of course I knew. Five years ago, I had undergone triple bypass heart surgery. I also knew that unless I was very careful with my diet, my bypass blood vessels would get plugged up, too.
Yes, I’d changed my eating habits, but there could still be trouble ahead, since veins are not as slippery as arteries.
My wonderful friend prayed for me as I parked my car and I was at peace as I walked in the Emergency door. I was not afraid. I was confident that God had gotten me through worse situations in the past, and He would be with me now.
Four and a half hours went by. Blood tests came in, and all the results were very normal. My levels of troponin protein were very low, too, indicating there was no heart muscle damage.
Meanwhile, I heard many patients coming and going. One in particular was crying out in pain, and my heart went out to her. I pleaded on her behalf to the Great Healer, and asked Him to give her doctors wisdom on how they might help her.
I made it a point to thank each of my nurses, techs, and my doctor, too. When he finally came in after midnight to give me his diagnosis, he had a smile on his face. “Well, since you came in complaining of chest pains, we can keep you in the hospital overnight for observation,” he said. “But honestly, there’s nothing wrong with your heart, and I suspect your chest pain and tightness has more to do with the stress you’re under. So if you want to go home tonight and talk to your cardiologist in the morning, that’s fine with me.”
I smiled and reassured him that the chest discomfort had disappeared several hours ago. And yes, I wanted to go home and sleep in my own bed.
As I drove home, I wondered why I had gone through this experience, and I came up with three conclusions.
First, I realized I needed to do a better job of getting rid of stress. (I’ve implemented some changes already, and they’re working.)
Second, I now had peace of mind after getting a checkup and all that blood work.
But perhaps most importantly, I had been able to thank the professionals who worked so hard to help me, and pray for that poor woman who was in so much pain!
Sometimes I need a spiritual checkup, too. As I work on my spiritual health, I don’t fall as easily for the idea that I can handle things on my own—and my stress goes down when I put God back in charge.
As I drove home, I thanked Him for the love and care He lavishes on me every day. I also asked Him to help me remember to turn things over to Him more quickly. Then, I enjoyed the thought that I can have perfect peace of mind, no matter what happens.
“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You” (Isaiah 26:3).
