There are few experiences more intense than listening to a friend in recovery bare their soul to us and to God about everything objectionable in their life. But before this happens, we must have a clear understanding of what our role is, and what we can do to help them find peace of mind.
Confessing our sins to God is a very ancient practice. In fact, it all began with Adam and Eve, who had to confess their sin before God’s salvation plan could be engaged. And so it has been throughout every generation. The reason behind it is simple: if we don’t confess our faults, we are either trying to hide them, or in some cases, we may not even be aware of them because we’ve justified, rationalized, or deluded ourselves into thinking we’ve done nothing wrong. Hidden sins turn us into hypocrites and make us feel “different;” and that always leads to isolation from those who can help us. We desperately need God’s forgiveness, mercy, and freedom from our terrible burden of guilt. We need the strength of fellowship that comes only with the understanding that we belong, and are no better or worse than anyone else.
The Bible is clear about our need for confession to God for forgiveness of sins—and to another human being for transparency and healing:
- Joshua begged Achan to confess his sin to God—and to tell him what he had done, adding “do not hide it from me” (Joshua 7:19).
- When confronted about his sin with Bathsheba, David confessed to the prophet Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord” (1 Samuel 12:13).
- And there cannot be more clear direction than this: “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16).
One of the most important aspects of confession is the acknowledgment that I have sinned. If I have hurt someone, I’ve also hurt God’s great heart of love. I’ve harmed other members of God’s family, and many times, my own.
To practice confession, I must identify my sin for what it is and honestly acknowledge what I’ve done, either by carelessness, or by deliberate intent. Then I can feel genuine remorse, which will aid in my turning away from that sin. In this way, confession is my first step toward living a victorious life.
So how does this translate into recovery? To put it bluntly, I believe that as an alcoholic, if I’m unwilling to take a look at myself, then I’ll never get to the point of permanent sobriety. I’ll continue harming others and working against God’s will for me—and that’s a guaranteed way to fail.
But let’s look at the role of one who is there to listen.
First, I believe there’s no greater privilege than to be chosen to hear someone’s deepest, most painful, and honest revelations about themselves. With it come the responsibilities of being trustworthy, open, honest, and careful in what I say. To be effective, I must be willing to share my worst with them, as well—especially when I hear God prompt me to share experiences from my past. In those moments, my dark past is an effective tool for helping them to realize they are not alone, they’re not the only ones who have struggled, and that there is a solution.
As I listen with my heart, I’m not shocked at anything they say. I realize that what I’m really doing is representing God’s acceptance, love, and forgiveness. I also know full well that if circumstances had been different, I am capable of everything they’re sharing with me. Everything. Even though I might not think so.
But my greatest responsibility lies in making sure that no matter what they’ve done, no matter how they feel, they understand that God can and will forgive them, if they ask. There is nothing He can’t forgive, or as someone once said, “No gone is too far gone!”
It’s important to not rush the process. In fact, I generally clear my entire day to listen to them—and it usually takes that long, since once they start, I can and do relate many stories of my own.
If I listen with all my heart and recall and share my own struggles in an honest way, it will undoubtedly be a good experience for us both. We will be drawn closer to God and to each other, and we will be greatly blessed.
Many times, a man whom I’ve listened to will say he feels so much lighter and closer to God than ever before. That clean feeling always accompanies genuine confession to God and is a tremendous benefit we get from an honest and thorough inventory of our lives. It also provides a welcome respite for those who have carried their burden of guilt and shame for many years without knowing relief was available.
I always offer to pray with them before and after our long talk. And as I walk away, I ask God to remove my memories of what they’ve told me. That’s their stuff, and I don’t need to take it with me! Whatever I do remember, I must keep to myself, because trust is sacred!
It’s important to note that although we’ve admitted our faults to God and to another human being, that is only a beginning. Now comes the work of forsaking our old ways and allowing God to change us into the men and women He always intended us to be. And honestly, asking for and allowing Him to change us feels much harder than confessing! Yes, we need God’s power to change; but the good news is that He delights in taking the most messed up lives and turning them around for all to see.
There’s no better feeling than to help another alcoholic out of the pit he’s fallen into, setting his feet on a road that really leads somewhere. Lord, please give me the willingness to share honestly and openly with those who are desperately looking for answers. May I bring light and hope into their lives, and may I do Your will always!
“He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” Proverbs 28:13
