I recently celebrated another year of sobriety, and as always, I got a chance to take a good look at what has happened—as well as what hasn’t happened—during the past year.
I remember my first sobriety anniversary. I was a nervous wreck, to put it mildly. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I had actually stayed sober that long, and I was worried sick that I might decide to celebrate with a drink! I had forgotten (or perhaps not realized yet) that God is the one who was keeping me sober. I thought I was somehow doing it myself—with God’s help here and there. But today, I know better! God keeps me sober. Period! And my part is to stay connected to Him, asking Him each day for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out.
I remember calling my best friend one minute after midnight to say, “I made it! One year! I made it!”
I’m not trying to minimize that amazing victory. The first year is really very special. But so are all the other years. Each brings a special feeling of amazement—and eventually, confidence—that God is doing for me what I could never do for myself. I’ve also come to believe that He’s not going to let me down in the following year, either!
Along the way, a lot of things have changed. I’ve become much more tuned in to hearing God’s voice. I recognize it because I’ve listened for it! I’ve also learned to check what I think is God’s will with what I’ve learned from reading the Bible.
I’ve grown in patience and tolerance. I’ve been humbled by the experiences I’ve had, and I have grown to want humility—a word that is almost synonymous with serenity.
I’ve grown much more interested in others—especially when I take the time to listen to them. And I’ve discovered the joy of being an encourager, too.
But there is something that happens around my anniversaries that doesn’t seem to change. It seems that for a week or two before the big day comes around, I’m keenly aware of the character defects that I’m hanging onto, that I’m not willing to let go of. Those areas seem to be spotlighted for a time, as if God is pointing to them and saying, Are you ready to give this up yet? I can take them away from you, root and branch. But you’ll need to let go.
Sometimes I’m very willing; especially when hanging onto them is too painful! But other times I struggle. I still like the (very) temporary feeling of being self-righteous. I still allow certain people to annoy me because it gives me a comfortable feeling of superiority. I still like to procrastinate—without calling this what it really is: sloth in five syllables!
Every year I hear Him ask me, “Are you willing to let me handle this for you?” And every year, I try my best to surrender.
It’s been a rather peaceful year. The deathly fear of COVID-19 has abated, the economy seems to be getting better, and my friends and family all seem to be okay. It can be easy to become complacent. But I have an illness that is always looking for ways to get me to relax and ignore it.
So surrender I must. And I want to. I pray for willingness to surrender. And I pray every day for someone to be placed in my life that I might be able to help. Some days they show up in a spectacular way, and other days, I have to believe that they’re quietly observing me. And I’m mindful that every day I can be a shining example or a horrible warning!
The important thing is that I’m growing spiritually every day—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly—always to the best of my willingness.
Yes. Another trip around the sun. Over 584 million miles this year at 67,000 miles per hour. Have I learned? Have I grown in my relationship with God?
Have I grown in understanding and effectiveness? Have I spent the precious time I have left on this Earth helping others? Or have I just been thinking of myself?
I thank God that it’s been another very good year. I’m at peace, and I’m more in tune with God, with myself, and with others than I’ve ever been before.
I am truly blessed.
