I find it interesting that God felt the need for humans to be relational. Genesis 2:18 states, “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Thus began relationships – which can be really messy. To be fair, there are great things about connecting with other people. But being in a relationship also introduces personality differences and multiple opinions, which often result in conflict and disputes, all because we disagree. I might advise you to only associate with people who agree with you or share the same values, but that probably isn’t wise, much less possible. A better plan is to aim to reduce conflict.
So, another thing I find interesting is that the Bible speaks to conflict-resolution as if God saw conflict coming and knew it would need to be resolved for humanity to make progress. In Colossians 3:12-15, the apostle Paul offers this counsel: Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body, you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
Newsflash: We live in a highly volatile and highly combustible social atmosphere. The world is whittling away to soften the beliefs or silence the voices of Bible-believing Christians. Unfortunately, the unregenerate-minded will never see situations as the Bible sees them, which leads to disagreements fueled by hostility, strife, and outbreaks of anger – byproducts of our sinful, unredeemed nature. James 4 agrees that our sensual desires lead to discord and feuds that lead to quarrels and fighting. Therefore, the battle remains between the two forces of good and evil.
Yet, someone must show civility to make progress. And if our ultimate goal is to win the world to Christ, we must handle ourselves with the utmost Christlikeness that heaven can muster. We do, after all, possess the secret weapon of the Holy Spirit who empowers us to grapple gracefully. So let’s consider the following actions while disagreeing productively. You might even win someone over by how you handled the situation.
Hear – By listening to one another, we shut off our response for a moment, allowing us to hear what they have to say. Sure, you may think what is being said is absurd, ridiculous, and unreasonable, but by listening, you acknowledge their right to have a view and a voice. We’re taught early on to take turns. Listening is taking turns. You know how much you like to be heard. Pay the same courtesy.
Speak – Colossians 4:5,6 inform us to “Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” When speaking to someone on the opposing team, choose your words carefully, with grace and love. Trade absolute terms like “always” and “never” for words that are less harsh and more humble, i.e., “maybe,” “sometimes,” and “probably.” When you use graceful speech, you’re exhibiting humility that might open the door for the other person to hear what you have to say.
Agree – You don’t have to side with someone’s opinion to agree that you have something in common. If you are so enraged at their stand that you think you could never find commonality, try this: 1 Timothy 1:15,16 says, “This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. However, for this reason, I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life.” See the one with whom you are struggling as a precious soul whom Christ desires to save. The ground is level at the foot of the Cross.
In a world of protests, highly controversial issues, and personal attacks, we must use wisdom if we expect to win others to Christ. Whatever cause you’re defending, creating an atmosphere of mutual understanding or respectful disagreement is up to you.
Above all, I encourage you to pray before entering a debate or controversial disagreement. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide your ears, mouth, and heart, and that God would open your eyes to any area where you can learn from the situation. And remember that there’s a big difference between being bold and being a blunt bully.
It takes practice and planning to persuade in times of intense disagreement positively. May God give each of us the wisdom to use these opportunities for His glory.
