One of the many beautiful ideas I’ve heard over the years is that God does not waste a single thing—not even our tears. Every difficulty, every trial, every experience we have—both good and bad—can help us become more effective in helping others.
It took a while for that to make sense to me. But it does now. And to gain that new perspective, I needed to live a little in this most unnatural state for me, called sobriety. It’s been a journey—a moving a fascinating adventure in surrender, honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness to look at my world and at each person who crosses my path through different eyes. God has made that miracle possible, and I’ll be forever grateful that, like Saul, the scales have fallen from my eyes and a new world has come into view.
Today, I can “see” those who God puts into my life to help. I can “hear” their heart-cry. I can “feel” what they cannot express in words. I’ve learned to speak from my heart and not from my head. And I understand that my dark past is the most precious possession I have, because with it, I can prevent death and misery for them. Today I know that I’m uniquely qualified to help other alcoholics, when well-meaning and well-trained non-alcoholics simply can’t.
But what about all the other people I come in contact with? Can I use those same skills to reach them? The answer is yes, of course. And what a shame if I am not in tune to the cries for help of everyone around me!
I’ve learned that God has a lot of principles that play out throughout His universe. There’s the principle that the more we give, the more we are given. I’ve also learned that it is more blessed to give than to receive. I’ve learned about forgiveness, generosity, active listening, being careful with advice, how to get along with people of every description, and how to be gentle and tactful. I’ve learned how to stop worrying, how to ask the right questions, how to turn things over to God, and how to pray—by myself, and with others. I’ve learned what to say when someone is grieving, and when it’s best to be silent. I’ve learned how to celebrate a well-lived life, and how to give expecting nothing in return.
All these things are important principles for living that an alcoholic must master to live a happy, joyous, and free life. But they’re not just for alcoholics. They’re for everyone.
As we read the Bible, we can’t help but notice that all good things were modeled for us by Jesus. But His love for each and every person He came in contact with is something we cannot ever fully comprehend. His humble approach was always to see and meet their immediate needs, thus winning over their hearts, and inspiring them to reach out for help. He understood that in meeting their most desperate needs, He would open their eyes to eternal truths.
We each have a tremendous need to be “seen.” Not just visually acknowledged, in a way we glance at other people to avoid bumping into each other, but really see the essence of who we are. Can you recall even half the people you saw today? Maybe you can. But most of us couldn’t come up with even a rough list of those we had visual interaction with today. The clerk at the supermarket. What was his or her name? It was on their name tag. Did I even acknowledge their presence? What was their expression like? Were they excited to be there? Did they seem to care, or were they sad or unhappy? Many of us quickly learn to tune out those external clues that are so important. Instead, it’s the usual, “Hi, how are you?” “I’m fine, thank you.” Followed by, “Have a good day,” and “You, too.”
We’re so busy that we ignore the signs of souls that are in trouble. We’re so scared to say anything, because we might get tied up in a conversation and be late to our next appointment. Or perhaps we’re so wrapped up in our world that we really don’t care—as long as they’re not in our way.
I learn the best lessons from little children. Have you noticed that they don’t miss anything? They look at faces, and from an early age, they start reacting. Then they start talking—and stating the obvious… in public! While this can be a bit embarrassing at times, very few people won’t smile when a little kid waves from the shopping cart and says, “Hi!” in their little voice.
I’ve been listening to an audio book that talks about deep kindness recently. It’s an amazing book, but the biggest take-away so far has been the idea that deep kindness will always cost you something. And I believe the author is right. Deep kindness involves caring. And that’s personal, and it requires risk. Most of us don’t like risking rejection. But once again, the Master never walked past one He could help—and boy did He face rejection!
While there are millions of cynical people on planet Earth, there is such a thing as doing things out of love. Don’t believe those who tell you that you must have a selfish motive and that you’re gonna get something out of every kind deed. They can say that, but it’s not true. They don’t know the Creator, and the love He instills in us. It’s His love, and it compels us to do more each day for not only the alcoholic or addict who suffers, but every single person who crosses our path.
That’s what happens when we turn our will and our life over to the care of God. And when we turn around and give it away? Well, that’s when the magnificent miracle of healing takes place, both for us, and for them.
Jesus gave us an amazing example of how doing something for others is like doing something for Him. When you have a second, read Matthew 25:31–46, and think carefully on what He said. In fact, try meditating on His words, and let them speak to your heart.
Look around you. Who can you help today? Ask God to show you. Then open your eyes, and listen with all your heart. He will impress you, or better yet, He will cause someone to come across your path. Count on it. God won’t waste an opportunity. And He never puts two people together to help just one!
