How many times a day do you complain? You may not see yourself as a complainer. Neither do I. Just to improve our self-awareness though, and clarify what it means to complain, let’s look at a definition with some synonyms. To complain is to express dissatisfaction, discontent, annoyance, resentment, wish-it-was-better of just about anything. Reportedly, the average person complains between 20 to 30 times a day. It’s so natural to us we probably don’t even realize when we are complaining.
On top of what comes out of our mouths, there are the complaints we are exposed to that come from others’ mouths. Someone may lodge a complaint about you personally, or about others, or situations and events. Complaints can be completely accurate accounts, but the way they are expressed classifies them in the grumble group. In all, our brains are supposedly confronted with an average of 500 complaints a day. That’s a lot!
There are subcategories to complaints.
Whining is when you’re just looking for sympathy and someone to take your side
Squawking is when you just want to be heard.
Protesting is when you are actively wanting to effect change.
Fretting is when your words are couched in worry and anxiety.
You get the picture.
Then there’s Processing. At least that is what we call it in our home.
We begin the conversation by saying, “I just need to process….” In this way we try to give context and understanding of why we want to talk. There is an understanding that what we are about to say is not positive, but we’re not bringing it up just to complain. We are seeking an opportunity to express our perspective, receive input on how to change our perspective if needed, and vent. We use the word processing to hopefully lessen the impact, make it not so personal, and not use the c word. We all need to process; but how much is too much? When does our commiserating have a negative impact on ourselves and others?
I definitely think there is a place for processing. To be honest, I think there’s a place for complaining as well, (maybe not all the categories though). While venting might seem harmless, or even therapeutic, the amount of complaining we are exposed to can rewire the brain towards negativity, increase stress levels, and even harm your health.
Complaining has been dubbed the brain drain. How does it drain the brain specifically? Researchers have actually observed a reduction in the size of the hippocampus with elevated levels of psychological stress. They have also observed hippocampus shrinking with complaining. The hippocampus is a crucial region of the brain responsible for emotions, memory, and the autonomic nervous system. The more your brain is preoccupied in a certain direction the more it will adapt to that direction. Given that reality, the best way to counter the impact of grumbling is to spend even more time in praise, giving compliments, embracing a spirit of contentment and appreciation. I’m going to work on that.
