“I wish I was as peaceful as you are,” he said as he shook his head. “You don’t seem to get upset about much of anything. How do you do it?”
I smiled as I considered what my friend had just said. Surely, you have got to be kidding, I thought. But I knew he wasn’t. Of all the people in the world, I’m probably the last one you should ask about living a peaceful life!
Perhaps because I lived in chaos for so many years, I still think I’m a bit of a whirlwind, or maybe even a tornado. But when I stop to consider it, I know that’s not the case. At all. The truth is that I have really found an answer that works. And I’m positive that it will work for anyone who sincerely tries it.
I remember the first time I heard the Serenity Prayer. Somehow, I chimed in, even though I don’t remember ever hearing it before. It just rolled off my tongue that day, and I was surprised I knew it. But a lot of years went by before I considered what I was asking God to do every time I recited it.
I looked it up one day. Although it’s origin is still somewhat unclear, the Serenity Prayer is generally attributed to the American theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr. There are many variations of it, but the version most commonly quoted reads:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.”
Simple. Elegant. Straight to the point. My experience is that when I say it slowly and think about what I’m saying, it breaks me out of any fear, anger, frustration, or bad mood I may be in.
As I thought about it one day, I noticed that the request for serenity comes first, and I wondered why. The conclusion I came to was simple: if I don’t calm down, I cannot possibly think straight, so I have no idea what can and cannot be changed. If I’m not at peace, any wisdom I have managed to gain is pushed to the side, and my reaction to the people around me will be anything but good.
I’m so glad I have Jesus for an example. He shows me what perfect peace looks like. Despite the frustrations of being misunderstood, constantly tempted, insulted, and ignored, He remained calm and loving. I had never considered the fact that having been branded as “illegitimate” must have opened Him up to fierce insults from day one. But despite being reviled and despised, He never retaliated, defended Himself, or cowered from His calling. He was humble, and meek.
The Bible says, “… Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: ‘Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth’; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously …” (1 Peter 2:21–23).
The second part of the Serenity Prayer asks for courage—“courage to change the things I can.” That has often made me wonder, Just what can I change?
I suppose there are many things I can change around me. And when God supplies me with courage, I can face my fears, have those difficult conversations, admit when I’m wrong, and tackle things I just don’t feel emotionally strong enough to do.
But I also need to remember that there is nothing I can change about me—except, of course, I can change my mind! That is perhaps the easiest and hardest thing I ever do. Stubbornly clinging to an old idea that doesn’t work seems to have been the way I was hard-wired. My parents tried their best to break me of it, and life has, too. But I stubbornly dug in my heels and did it my way—to my own detriment, and those of others.
Today, I ask God to give me the willingness to change my mind when I need to. And it’s getting easier. In fact, the more I choose to do His will, the easier it gets. Now, most of the time, when I realize I need to change my mind about something, it doesn’t take long. (Please notice I said, “most of the time”).
And finally, there’s the request for “wisdom to know the difference.” Ah, wisdom. Recently, someone said they thought I was a wise man, and I remember feeling rather uncomfortable with the idea, to even a small degree. So I talked about it with a few friends. One of them just shrugged and said, “You know, being wise is no big deal, really. It just means that you can recall some of the hard lessons you’ve learned from your mistakes, and maybe some things other people shared with you, and then put them into words.”
(Wow! I can still hear the hot air escaping my balloon!)
Okay, so I’ve managed to accumulate a little wisdom. Actually, that’s great. It means that my request in the serenity prayer for “wisdom to know the difference” has actually been answered.
And that puts things into perspective for me. Whatever I have been able to accomplish that has any value in life has come from prayer. And I thank God that someone wrote down a prayer with such simple, understandable words. Today, the Serenity Prayer is still a go-to that calms me down, makes me think, and reminds that God is ready to help, if only I ask.
Try it—and believe that God will help you, too.
