Although she was a stray, she was a beautiful cat with long, luxurious black fur. Her bright green eyes, sparkling like emeralds, earned her the name of Bijoux. Because she preferred to live outdoors, when it came time to have her spayed, she had to remain in the cat carrier for a long time to keep her from eating or drinking. However, it was even longer before I was able to pick her up afterward!
No doubt she saw me as her rescuer when I was finally able to bring her home, but when it was time to return to the vet to have her stitches removed, she’d had enough of carriers, confinement, and vets in general. This time, when I picked her up and asked how she was doing, I was informed rather tersely that she was “being ugly.” It gave me something to reflect upon. My beautiful cat was ugly? Of course I knew what they meant. Like the old adage, “handsome is as handsome does,” she had no doubt exhibited some pretty bad behavior to earn that remark.
In the elementary school I attended, it seemed that all anyone wanted or cared about was the acceptance and approbation of others, of someone…anyone. “Ugly” was a word that was tossed around a lot. Those who received this designation were the cursed. Acceptance became an impossibility for them. Ugly became the whole definition of their being.
As time progressed, the habit of critiquing outward appearances became ingrained in our thinking. We carried around mental yardsticks, adding to the standard as we went. As we grew, this habit of carrying “yardsticks” followed us, whether consciously or unconsciously. But is being ugly really being ugly? Because when it comes down to it, in our contact with others, what we really remember is how we were treated by them. In fact, in most relationships, what you look like ceases to matter after a while. What really matters is what you are like.
So why does what we look like seem to concern us so much more than considering who we are? Why do we spend so much time worrying about what we really can’t fix, and put so little faith and resolve into changing what we can? Are we doomed to be constantly protecting our self-image? Constantly worrying how others see us? How can we protect ourselves from being elevated by praise or crushed by criticism?
As humans, we struggle to define ourselves in terms of worth. We look for a standard against which to measure ourselves. We place value upon good looks, talent, intellect, wealth, learning, and achievement. Of course, anyone lacking in some of these areas is a loser, right? And thus we define ourselves by a bundle of yardsticks.
But who or what are we, really? If we were descendants of some primordial slime, what would there be to life? If our vision of eternal life is limited to passing on some portion of our genetic material to the next generation, we have little to hope for. Hedonism, self-centeredness, egocentrism, narcissism, and greed seem to be naturally imbedded in every human heart. What is left is often a total disregard for the needs and feelings of others. Receiving a request to help someone might meet with a petulant “Why should I?” or “What’s in it for me?” The un-regenerated heart says, “How much can I get for myself?” The problem with dissatisfaction, with continually wanting more is that the path ultimately has to end in disappointment.
The good news, of course, is the fact that we are more than just some fleeting happenstance. We are children of God, created in His image. “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1:27. So the question, “Who am I?” should really be defined by the answer to the question, “Who is God?” for we were intended to be like Him. He is the epitome of self-sacrificing love. The Source from whom love, acceptance, hope, and redemption come—not because we are worthy, but because we are.
There are many aspects about God that I can’t begin to fathom, but what stands out is His self-sacrificing love—in fact, He is love (John 3:16). God is the One who places our worth upon us. The fact that we are worth any sacrifice is just infinite, unimaginable love.
God is creative, just, pure, holy, wise, and powerful. He cares enough to welcome us into His family. So who are we? We are children of God. We are family. We are accepted. We are loved. We have worth. We are needed. We are loving and loveable. We are the same as everyone else, yet we are unique. These things should call forth our deepest gratitude. His love is life-giving, it is freeing.
How can we respond to such love? We can give Him glory in all that we do. “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31. Give Him glory that you “get to” eat, drink, work, have loving relationships. Give Him gratitude and praise—not just because He is worthy of it, but because it reflects back on us. We begin to realize the blessing of what we already have. And we can be at peace enough to forget about ourselves.
Of course I’m not saying we shouldn’t have any care for our personal appearance. Please, if for no other reason, out of mercy for others, we should make ourselves presentable. But we don’t have to spend so much time guarding over ourselves, and we can spend more time really seeing the beauty of those around us. We can begin to put away the yardsticks and pick up words and actions of kindness, of hope, of encouragement, instead. In turning our unique characteristics into blessings, we will be blessed, ourselves.
